The Trailer For The Witch Will Make You Lose A Lot Of Sleep

The Trailer For The Witch Will Make You Lose A Lot Of Sleep


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I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that this witch in question did not go to Hogwarts.

If you're a fan of horror movies, the newly released (more like unleashed) trailer for The Witch is something that you need to see right now… okay, preferably in daylight with some people around. Maybe near a major hospital, you know, just in case.

Sure, the trailer makes it look like the name of the film is The V Vitch, but despite the typo that's meant to be thought provoking or indicative of two upside down witch's hats, the thing looks terrifying. Like sweat-inducing, sleep-with-the-lights-on-for-a-week scary.

This family of Puritans in 17th Century New England decides to say goodbye to the world of civilization, and go deep into the woods away from all human contact. What could go wrong? A lot, turns out.

This family of Puritans in 17th Century New England decides to say goodbye to the world of civilization, and go deep into the woods away from all human contact. What could go wrong? A lot, turns out.

Sorry Arthur Miller, but witches do exist in the world of The Witch.

The Puritan family prays after they roll up to their new plot of land. Unfortunately the realtor failed to mention the infestation of witches in the forest behind them. Oops.

The Puritan family prays after they roll up to their new plot of land. Unfortunately the realtor failed to mention the infestation of witches in the forest behind them. Oops.

The kids are like: "Why we praying yo? We still got to build our own house."

Hey look it's Lysa Arryn from Game of Thrones!

Hey look it's Lysa Arryn from <em>Game of Thrones</em>!

Why does this look so familiar?

Ooooooh. Oh that's right.

Ooooooh. Oh that's right.

Do you think it's in this actor's contract to always be breastfeeding in a scene?

This Puritan boy and I liked to do the same things when I was a child: searching the forest alone in the dark with a cumbersome musket.

This Puritan boy and I liked to do the same things when I was a child: searching the forest alone in the dark with a cumbersome musket.

We get that puberty is awkward kid, but now you look you're just compensating.

Awwwwwwww.

Awwwwwwww.

This baby is so cute. Like I seriously hope nothing bad happens to it.

Yes! Play peek-a-boo with this cute baby.

Yes! Play peek-a-boo with this cute baby.

Cute babies love peek-a-boo.

Except when they get taken by witches into a forest.

Except when they get taken by witches into a forest.

Wait, are these witches, or White Walkers?

The dang goat is milking out blood again!

The dang goat is milking out blood again!

Why are these witch's going after this poor creature's udders?

Don't mind me, just crawling into a grave.

Don't mind me, just crawling into a grave.

Six feet under? More like six feet fun-der! (SFX: Airhorn.)

Jesus, this kid's still lost? Download Waze, bro.

Jesus, this kid's still lost? Download Waze, bro.

You heard me. Put down that musket, and download Waze.

Here's a witch outstretching her ankle from her lovely cabin in the woods.

Here's a witch outstretching her ankle from her lovely cabin in the woods.

Here's a fun fact: showing your ankle in 17th century New England could lead to you being stoned to death.

These tethered kids make the parent who put their children on a leash look like saints.

These tethered kids make the parent who put their children on a leash look like saints.

Can someone call Child Protective Services?

Whoa, this standing goat is definitely not a demon…

Whoa, this standing goat is definitely not a demon...

…it's probably just a circus animal, right?

Remember that kid who was lost in the forest?

Remember that kid who was lost in the forest?

Well, now he's just trying his hardest to get out of going to school. You're not sick, kid, you're just trying to get some attention.

Here's the family daughter either about to join a Coven…

Here's the family daughter either about to join a Coven...

…or she had a little too much Red Velvet cake at her birthday party.

This? This is the Witch? Pssh. She looks like she's having a fun time at Burning Man.

This? This is the Witch? <em>Pssh</em>. She looks like she's having a fun time at Burning Man.

Hey, you can be a witch and own clothes! They're not mutually exclusive!

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